October 21st is a hard day in our home. October 21st, 2014 would have been the 1st birthday of our daughters, Harper and Hayden. Today should be a day full of laughter, excitement, and cake amongst many other things. But it’s not. Today is instead a day full of heartache, wishing and remembering. Their due day was October 21st, 2013.
We found out we had lost our twin daughters on Monday, June 3rd, 2013. It was discovered only a few weeks before that it looked like they had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which in the simplest way to explain is one baby was receiving too many nutrients and one was not receiving enough. We listened to all the doctor said, we did all the research we could do and we booked a flight to Kansas City for a procedure to be done with one of only a handful of the doctors in the country that perform it. But we didn’t make it. We were 20 weeks along into the pregnancy.
Now, nearly a year and a half later we still remember the excitement we felt. The happiness and joy we felt in anticipation. And the pain and suffering that followed for the months after and for the past year and a half. For five months, I had the opportunity to love my daughters and my wife in a way that I never was able to before. While the initial pain has gone, there have been moments that we have continued to hurt. Each day since we have been able to heal a little more, whatever that might actually look like it reality. But through it all, I have done all I could to love my wife above all else in a way that she deserved. I have walked by my wife hand-in-hand over this past year, and when in October of last year we found out she was pregnant again, all the emotions that we had felt before came back to the surface.
We were so excited. So happy. So joyful. But so scared. So worried. So nervous.
But we trusted in God. We know that God is sovereign and through the pain of the summer we leaned on Him fully for understanding and guidance all while we know that this side of heaven we will never have an answer as to why. So on October 19th, 2013, when we found out we were expecting again, we prayed with a joyful heart that God would protect this child. That this child would be healthy. A little over a year after we lost both Harper and Hayden, we welcomed Josiah James Hennessey. Josiah has been a joy in our life, and we have said that we want him to know about his sisters. No matter what you believe about when life begins, I can tell you that I have two daughters and Josiah has two sisters. We named them. We held them. They are ours and nothing can or will ever change that.
So as hard as today is for our home, today is a day that we will always remember. It will always be a hard day. It will always be a day that brings painful memories, but to me it also is the day that reminds me of those 5 months. The excitement, joy and love that I got to have for 5 wonderful months with my wife and our daughters. And as hard as it is to reminder, it will always remind me of the months after we lost them and the love and support that I was able to show my wife. In sickness and in health. It will remind me of the love that I have for their mom as I will always walk alongside of her through the valleys and the mountain top moments of our lives. Happy birthday Harper and Hayden. Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you.